Monday, 19 September 2011

It's a floating biscuit

Old-time readers will be comforted to know that I have regathered my nerve and joined another water aerobics class, far away from the tatoos and scolding I've had to endure in previous sessions.  See and for earlier trauma.

This might seem completely irrelevant, but my brother and I spent countless fun hours as children fracturing the lyrics of any number of songs, much to the annoyance of our mother with perfectionist tendencies.  She wasn't so bothered the first to twentieth time we sang them, but perhaps we did wear a bit thin.  One of our greatest hits was a fractured version of a Perry Como song some geriatric school music teacher insisted we learn.  The real version went, "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, Save it for a rainy day."  My brother and I were delighted with our reworked version, "Catch a floating biscuit, Put it in your pocket, Save it for a rainy day."

Everyone knows that you can't actually see floating biscuits, but they sure do make themselves known in other ways.  In case you're wondering what exactly is a floating biscuit, let's just call it an ephemeral, usually noxious, olfactory experience brought on by cruciferous vegetables, etc..  True to our lyrics, a floating biscuit would be the ultimate kid weapon.  How wonderful it would be to conjure up a holy stinker on demand, just when you really needed to use it on some kid enemy?  Or your brother?

Today, however, I did see a floating biscuit.  Don't worry, it's not what you're thinking - I didn't spy any suspect bubbles surfacing from any of the class participants.  I wouldn't be surprised, though, as the demographic of the class would suggest that the majority of its participants enjoy prunes and All-Bran.   Instead, our water aerobics "weights" look just like giant blue Bonio dog biscuits:
Weird.  Stranger still is a baffling fake tree at poolside.  I've passed it countless times before without a second glance, but I was amazed to notice just today that its leaves are the exact shape of cannabis.  With the thick coating of dust they have on their plastic leaves, it even looks like gym management is letting it mellow for later harvest.  Maybe membership is down and they need a new revenue stream.  I'm sure the street value would a a couple pounds or so.

Don't worry, the entire pool area is nonsmoking.