Friday, 22 January 2010

Confessions of a Former Duvet-theist


Being overtired and the weather so gray and rainy, I've developed a bit of a fixation on sleep lately. England loves the duvet, as does the rest of Europe.  There was a time when I did not believe in duvets.  I refer to that time as B.C (Before Chumley).  There I was, making my bed in the old fashioned, conventional way: fitted sheet, flat sheet, blanket, comforter.  The end. Goodnight.


One day, I saw Chumley with a pile of cloth on the floor and a white, cushy comforter spring into action.  He held up one end of the comforter, muttered something about corners, and he reappered 30 seconds later, ready to button the comforter into the duvet and get on with his life.  He detests flat sheets and blankets because he claims they catch on his so-called "big" feet.  (I have not heard him say, "Do these shoes make my feet look fat?" yet, but the pains he takes to wear "slimming" shoes, you'd think he was Son of Sasquatch. Hardly.)

Duvets looked like trouble.  Sure, you could whip off the cover and put it straight into the wash without the worry of dry cleaning or even washing a bulky comforter, but getting the pesky cover on was another matter.  I think that to properly case a duvet, training must begin in utero.  (The same goes for understanding the rules of cricket.)

In wintertime, Chumley would upgrade to the winter-weight duvet lining.  Mmm, cozy.  But by far the best part was making the bed.  In two shakes of a spring lamb's tail, it was done and over.  The anti-bedmaker in me rejoiced.  And duvet beds were just so darn fluffy.  I was a convert.


Now, if I could only work on my duvet skills.  My first attempts made it clear that Chumley and I were had wildly disparate bedding abilities.  I quickly was swallowed by the duvet.  It felt like pitching a highly decorative tent, and I hate camping.


At long last, I am happy to report I have managed a sub-5 minute duvet change.  I consider it a rite of passage.  I hope to improve just in time for the 2012 London Olympics.

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